So Ive got to be honest. I am not one to admit when I am scared about something, but I am scared out of my mind about starting our Practicum. I'm not really sure why. I've subbed many times both in elementary and high school settings. The first day I subbed, I was called that morning and asked to get to the school as fast as possible. I was just thrown into a Kindergarten class. I hadn't even been in there fifteen minutes when the class trouble maker is doing what he does best- making trouble. Little blonde pig-tailed Mariah bounces over to where I am standing and says, "Miss Jarrell, Tyreek just called my mama a b****." Wow. You'd think if I could handle that, I wouldn't be scared of anything anymore. Wrong. I am scared. I am excited. I feel completely unprepared, and I feel more prepared than ever.
Let's face it. School is just a big game the kids these days play... because they have to. How do you win? Well, if you're a slacker, you do what you have to do just to slide by with a passing grade. If you're an overachiever (that's me), you do what you have to do to make the A. What happened to going to school because it is a privilege and paying attention and trying to learn because you want to be the best you can be? I know. It was killed. Murdered. Slaughtered. Although I am one of the very very few students who never went to school simply because I had to, I was surrounded by the sentiment. And yes, it eventually begins to rub off on you just a little. Well, starting Monday, playing the game of school is no longer a choice. The game is over. This is the rest of my life. Yes, I still have classes to take and assignments to do. But thats not what it's all about anymore. That's scary.
I am really excited though. I feel like I have some really good lessons to teach, and I am interested to see how they go and what my cooperating teacher thinks of them. Will they go well? Will they flop? For once, it will be nice to experience classroom life outside of the Wake County Public School System. I want to get to know my kids, my classroom, my teacher. I feel like I have learned so much this semester. I was just talking with my mom on the phone a few minutes ago. I told her how excited I was because I was in a class that was learning some different teaching strategies than the other blocks. I dont want to be the same. I strive to be different. I strive to stick out from the crowd. I have learned how to be different and stick out in the school setting. Now on to the professional world. For me, this practicum is the beginning of that. How?
Well, I want to be the kind of teacher learns who to create a classroom environment where kids can be the learners they were made to be, and not just game pieces on a playing board. I want to be the teacher who can convince her students that learning is cool and fun, and that reading a book outside or inside or in a tent or in a hammock or under a tree is more fun than a sleepover with friends! I want to change this apathetic feeling and environment we have created in our classrooms. Literacy doesnt deserve this kind of treatment. I know I am fighting an uphill battle here- especially as a beginning teacher. But I know it will all be worth it in the end. If there is even just one child who leaves my classroom caring more about learning than when they walked in, I will have been successful. And no matter how scary it may be, practicum is my place to start figuring out how to make that happen. Let's go!
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